Looking Back On Life
by princessintraining25
Summary: Looking back on life, Draco Malfoy realized he's made a lot of mistakes. But loving Harry Potter wasn't one of them.
1. Chapter 1

Looking back on life, Draco Malfoy realised that he'd made a lot of mistakes.

In fact, he'd made more mistakes than most people.

Some were small, like being mean to his house-elf. He'd actually liked Dobby very much, and was awfully upset when Harry Potter of all people had set him free.

Some were much larger, like letting himself fall into the standard mould set for Slytherins. He was mean to mudbloods and blood traitors, he thought he was better at everyone else, he was an arrogant posh twat and he never realised it.

But the one mistake he would never regret was falling in love with Harry Potter.

Because it wasn't a mistake. It had seemed like it at the time, but it wasn't.

Some people would say it was destiny. But Draco, being a Malfoy, would say it was just chance. Draco had never believed in soulmates and all that tosh. He believed only in arranged marriage to rich, pureblood girls, who could bear children who would carry on the family name.

It took Draco a while to figure out what he felt for Potter. And the last thing he had wanted it to be was love.

Draco had first met Potter at Madam Malkin's robes for all occasions. He knew he'd felt something, but vehemently denied to himself that it was anything like attraction.

It couldn't have been. Draco liked girls. He hoped.

But seeing Potter always made him weak at the knees, made his heart beat like a jack-rabbit in his breast. He couldn't explain it even if he wanted to.

He'd decided it was best to just leave it. He had figured that it'd go away soon enough. He took every chance he got to taunt Potter and his filthy friends, reminding himself of how stupid Potter was, telling himself that these were all reasons why he should not feel any attraction towards Potter.

When Potter got put on the quidditch team, Malfoy felt pride. He often wandered around the castle on his own, wondering what was wrong with him. He felt pride for Potter? But why?

And then, almost as soon as it had started, the school year had ended.

Griffindor had won the house cup, all thanks to Potter and his friends, stealing the winning title from Slytherin for the first time in 13 years.

Malfoy watched Potter from his space on the train. He could see the bright green eyes from miles away. Harry was standing with that stupid oaf, Hagrid. And the mudblood. Draco wondered sadly about how Potter would be spending his holidays. He saw Potter hug the oaf goodbye, and step onboard the train.

As Harry passed, Malfoy stood up. Everyone in the carriage stared at him. Then they started whispering.

Harry Potter passed by without a glance in Malfoy's direction. Malfoy sat down, disappointed. He would give anything for the chance to see those sharp green eyes, so full of life, one last time before the holidays. But he didn't. The journey passed by with muted whispers about Draco and Harry, all of which Draco ignored. But as he got off the train, Draco couldn't help but automatically scan the crowd on the platform for the gorgeously tousled, jet-black hair that belonged to the boy with the lightning scar.

But then Draco stopped searching as he caught sight of his mother and father's beaming faces, and rushed forwards to greet them with outstretched arms. As he told them all about the eventful year, and of Harry Potter, Draco hoped that six weeks away from Potter would help him forget all his attraction towards the boy who lived.

Oh how wrong he was.

The whole of the summer war was raging inside Draco's head. _I don't love Potter. I don't. He's an idiot, why would I?_

**_You're lying to yourself, Draco. It's not healthy. Your obsession with him will just grow and grow and grow, until you can't take it anymore and you end up making out with him behind the greenhouses._**

_SHUT UP! I DON'T LOVE HIM AND I NEVER WILL!_

**Ignoring his love for Harry was another mistake.**

When Draco saw Harry again over the holidays, his heart positively leapt with joy. It took all of Draco's inner strength to stop himself running over and embracing the bespectacled boy. When he saw Lockhart, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher manhandle Potter that way, fury filled him inside, threatening to spill over and unleash itself onto Draco's next unsuspecting, innocent victim. _Stop manhandling MY Potter, you filth,_ thought Draco, standing at the side-lines, still able to see everything around Lockhart. _Shut up,_ he told himself mentally. _Shut up, shut up, shut up! Stop thinking like that, he's the enemy!_

He was going to talk to Potter, but Potter was with the Weasleys, and so Draco's father took it upon himself to insult them beyond belief, as was his annoying custom that would gain him a lot of formidable enemies. Long story short, words were exchanged, as were punches between Draco's father and the eldest Weasley. Just when it seemed as though spells were going to be used, that gigantic oaf Hagrid decided to step in and tear the two men apart. After that, Draco's father stormed out of the shop with a bloody nose. Draco cast a glance in Potter's direction. The 'saviour' had a thoroughly confused, yet slightly disgusted look on his face. Draco gave him a half-hearted sneer and walked out after his father, cursing himself for once again being a total prat in front of Potter.

Draco stood on the platform, his eyes again raking the crowd for a glimpse of that raven-black hair that belonged to his Potter. No Draco, he mentally told himself. Potter is not yours, he never was and he never will be. Just forget about him.

And so at school, with Potter around him again, clouding his thoughts, the war raged on inside Draco's head. Draco sided with the ones that knew that Potter was an idiot, that Draco didn't love him. But the Loving side was determined not to be bested, and pushed for victory inside Draco, so often coming to the point when he had to be excused from lessons courtesy of a pounding head.

Draco had noticed that nothing had changed over the summer. Potter was still the golden boy to all, except Draco, Professor Snape and most of the Slytherins. Potter was especially favoured by the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lockhart, who always pulled Potter to the front of the class so that Lockhart could demonstrate one of his 'heroic deeds.' Draco took every chance he had to make mockery of the bespectacled 'saviour' and his stupid little band of friends. For the first couple of weeks, everything was exactly what you would have been expecting if you were planning on trying to teach a group of near adolescent children magic.

After the first quidditch match of the season, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, in which Potter had caught the snitch when it was, literally, right behind Draco's ear, the war was still being fought inside Draco. When Draco found out that Potter had lost all the bones in his arm due to a rogue bludger and Lockhart's dodgy wandwork, Draco's first thought was, **_Oh no, Poor Harry! I hope he's alright, maybe I should go check on him, see if he needs anything._**The side that thought he loved Potter. His second thought was _Potter hates you, idiot. Why would he want to see you, except to gloat about catching the snitch so easily whilst you just hovered there throwing insults. Besides, he deserves it. It's his fault the whole of Slytherin house hates you._

The hatred didn't last long though, and soon Draco was back in his usual standing, everyone laughing at the jokes he made about 'precious Potter'.

Then there were the attacks. Potter could always be connected to each one, so everyone thought he had done it. Especially when it was discovered the saviour could talk to snakes. People were avoiding Potter as though he had a nasty bout of wizard's flu, thinking that he was going to curse them all, thinking that he was Slytherin's heir.

Draco didn't believe for one minute that Potter was capable of being so evil. Potter was a goodly soul, so different from the people Draco had grown up around. What the hell was his brain spouting? _Potters soul isn't goodly! So just get over him._

Draco had asked his father via owl several times if he knew anything about what was happening in the castle, but the questions that were asked never received any answers. His mother would tell Draco nothing either.

Now every chance Draco got, he'd make a mockery out of the other boy. Somewhere, deep down inside him, he knew he shouldn't have teased Potter, especially not now of all times. _It's not nice, and it's not fair on Potter. What's he ever done to you?_ But then Draco remembered: he wasn't nice, and he didn't care about the stupid boy saviour. He was the Silver Prince of Slytherin, ruthless and uncaring. He was so much better than Potter ever would be.

**_And thinking that had been another of his many mistakes. There would come a time, when he was older, when he would reflect upon all his mistakes, and see what a foolish youth he had been, interested only in fame, rather than the more important things._**

Now the whole castle was certain: Potter was the heir of Slytherin, and he was controlling the attacks. Draco knew this wasn't true. There was no way Potter would hurt anyone. Potter was too good.

For the first time in his short life, Draco was worried for someone other than himself. He was worried for Potter. He didn't want Potter to be attacked, or worse killed. He cared about the Harry. **Not Harry, Potter. And he didn't care, so why did his brain lie to him?**

It was Christmas! Draco had already received several presents from his parents all satisfying enough, but the one thing he wanted most was the one thing he knew he would never have: a raven-haired boy by the name of Harry Potter.

Crabbe and Goyle were acting weird one night. Draco paid very little attention to it.

Suddenly the attacks stopped. Then word spread round. Harry Potter had saved the school again; he had defeated the evil beast of Slytherin. Draco felt like celebrating. He wanted to find Potter, to thank him for his life, to kiss him! Yuck, was Draco's initial thought. Then he warmed to the idea. The rest of the year, which passed quickly, for there were no exams as they had all been postponed in light of the recent events, was spent with Draco holed up in his dormitory, imagining the taste and feel of Potter's lips on his. He no longer denied it. He loved Potter. No, not Potter. Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry never understood how hate could turn into love. On sight, he could tell that Draco was changed. Second year, Harry was accused of a lot of things. He himself started to believe that he was evil, that he really _was _the Heir of Slytherin. Why else would Voldemort come after a toddler?

Harry avoided everyone's eyes lately. He didn't want to see the fury, the anger, the fear in them. He was used to being bullied, but when his own friends started to doubt him? That was too much. So he decided to skip History of Magic, and when he got to his common room, he just buried his head in his knees. The only student whotreated him like a regular person was Malfoy, and even _that_ was peculiar.

Draco always treated him with scorn, yes, but this…every time he insulted Harry, or smirked smugly at him, it now seemed half-hearted. Like he almost didn't want to, but had to.

Harry had shaken his head at that idea and simply fell asleep.

But now Harry was 13. He would think about this maturely..welll, as maturely as he could, being a teenager. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath so as to clear his mind. Draco..so different, so changed that it scared Harry. What happened to him? The unsults had stopped. The smirks and glares were lazy. Draco seemed…wistful…whenever he looked at Harry, when he thought Harry didn't see.

Harry sighed. Wishful thinking…again. It was second year when Harry started loving Draco. Harry had finally admitted that he loved Draco at the end of first year.

"I believe this calls for a slight change in decoraations." Harry stood up in indignation. Slytherin had won fair and square. All eyes had turned to look at Harry, all in curiosity. Harry had looked sadly over at Draco, but Draco didn't notice. Did he actually _care_ about what the Slytherin thought?

Remembering that day, Harry sighed in exasperation. It was his third year, and people STILL wouldn't let that incident go. He stood up and walked out of the common room, ignoring his friends worried calls. He needed time to think. That meant one thing.

Flying.

Harry grabbed his broom and sprinted out the portrait door. After turning a few corners, he stopped at the sight before him.

A few of his housemates were picking on a Slytherin. Five to one. Harry huffed in annoyance and set his broom against the eall. "Serpensortia!" Harry whispered, and a snake flew from his wand.

Smiling at the snake, Harry hissed, _Follow me, little snake._ He waited until the snake hissed an okay before leading her to the group. Looking back on life, Harry deducted that that probably wasn't the best choise hes ever made. "HEY!" Harry yelled, trying yo make himself look intimidating. "Leave him alone!" _Go on, little snake. Don't bite them, just scare them. _Harry didn't stop laughing at that memory until he was 36.

And scare them she did. Lunging at them with her fangs and tongue showing menacingly, the five Gryffindor bullies ran off quicker than you could say "Python".

Harry grinned in triumph before turning back to Slytherin, where his smile quickly faded.

Draco looked up to see his savior (damn Gryffindors-couldn't they just leave him alone?) and he looked into the brightest green eyes he's ever seen. Harry tilted his head. "Malfoy? You okay?"

Draco blushed, murmuring a faint "Yes, Potter, I'm _fine_." Under his breath. Out loud he asked, "What are you doing in the corridors, anyway? Shouldn't you be in your common room with the other cowardly lions? Draco tried to insult him, but failed miserably at it.

Without meaning to, Harry let out a small smile. "I still have an hour before curfew. I was just going to fly, my friends are being bloody annoying." Harry's smile fell and was replaces with a sad frown. "Damn Chamber of Secrets…the bloody thing willl haunt me for the rest of my life." Wait…were he and Draco actually having a conversation?!

Draco furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?" slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. Shit, Harry will think he's acting extremely odd, and then he'll find out his secret, and then he'll laugh, and then Draco's life will be over. _But would it be so bad if he found out?_

Harry _did_ look shocked for a moment, but got over it in another second. He half smiled and said, "Oh, they still won't leave the whole 'Heir of Slytherin' thing alone. And they're bringing up things I did in my first year, saying I acted weirdly. Which is absolutely…" _Ridiculous_, Harry was going to say, but that wasn't the truth now, was it? The more he tried to hide, the more obvious his secret became. "Anyway, I should go. Er…d-do you wanna come with?" _Good job, Harry, now he'll think you're insane._

"Um…sure…" Draco said, shocked at Harry's invitation. "Er…I'll go grab my broom then. Um, wait here." With that, he walked calmly around the corner before throwing a fist into the air with a silent, "YES!"

Harry blushed once Draco had gone. He actually _accepted_! Was it possible…? _No, Harry, he probably just thinks that he's in debt to you. Don't get so excited. _ But It was an enthusiastic Draco who returned. Harry smiled and said, "Ready?"

Draco nodded. "Yeah…let's go."

As they walked out, Harry turned to look at Draco. "Um…not that I'm objecting, but why did you accept?" Harry cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not holding you to a debt, if that's what it is." Harry dare not admit it, but he desperately hoped he wasn't only here for repayment.

Draco laughed once. I came here because…" _I love you… "_...Well, I don't know why. Just 'cause I wanted to." Draco smirked. "Problem, Potter?"

"No. Just curious." Harry replied, and the boys fell into silence. Harry snuck a glance at Draco. He seemed content, but why? Draco was supposed to hate him. Not that he was complaining…


End file.
